What time is it?

It is now 4 am and I have been up since 2:30 this morning...truly tragic.  I don't know what is wrong with me!  I layed awake in bed until 3 but I had way too much on my mind and sleep was just not happening.  Poor Cole has to put up with my tossing and turning..and I admit sometimes I even start to bug him when I get that bored!  Ha!  Don't worry, I left him alone in the bedroom to sleep while I moved to the loft to watch tv and get on the computer.  Too bad there is NOTHING good on tv this time of night.  Well, almost nothing.  Lol, turns out one of the infomercials caught my eye.  Yes, pathetic, but now I want what they call the Ninja.  Why would they choose that name?!?
I must have too much on my mind.  Just some of the thoughts keeping me from sleep:
-i had been doing really good recently with putting everything in God's hands and trusting in His plan.  I am still very improved from where I once was in life, but tonight as I lay in bed I got really frustrated with myself because I started dwelling on the "what ifs" again.  What if something happens to Tavian?  What if something happens to Cole?  I know my own experiences have taught me to fear these things, but I refuse to live my life dwelling on things thay may not even happen.  Especially since I have already come so far to move past these fears.  I guess this just proves I have further to come and more work to do.

-I can't stop thinking about Andrea.  I thought a lot tonight about the fact that the phone could ring any minute and she could be in labor.  It is really exciting but I also have some anxiety for her.  I trust everything will be fine, but I wish I could be more accessible to her.  I hate the thought of her in pain and I feel helpless and disconnected when I am so far away.

-on a much more petty and materialistic note, I would like to find something cute to wear for the holidays.  With my belly getting bigger by the second, it would nice to have something new and pretty to help me feel a little less huge!  I tried to find something today but I didn't have any luck.  Maybe tomorrow?

-i also keep thinking about all the random questions I have to ask my doctor for my apt. next week.  I keep meaning to write them down, but every time I get the chance my mind goes blank.  Like right now for instance!  There is a lot I want to ask, but of course, now I can't think of anything...

Well, I guess I will give sleep another try.  This weekend should be a lot of fun.  Actually the next few weeks should be a lot of fun!  I need all the rest I can get!!  Hope that when you read this it isn't in the middle of the night! :)