And I Thought I Loved You Then...

Four years ago today I went to the Sundance with my sister. It was Tuesday night, my sister had just gotten home for Thanksgiving break, and we wanted to get prettied up and go somewhere fun to talk. The Sundance may seem like an odd choice, which it kind of was since we weren’t planning on dancing (hence me wearing a tube top) but thought the music would lend to a fun setting to catching up. Who would have thought that this random night would be the night I would meet the man I would one day marry?  Cole and I spent the entire night swing dancing and we ended up closing the bar down.  He got my number and we had our first date a week later at Chipotle.  What a funny night that was...not only did I almost forget my purse in the restaurant, but I had locked myself out of my house. (at least I made a lasting impression, right?!?) haha. 

We said we loved each other on New Years Eve and things only continued to get better from there.  Here are a few pics/highlights from our amazing romance.

Looking snazzy heading out to the Sundance! November 2005

Our frist picture together in front of my dad's Christmas tree

A picture of us later that year back at the Sundance having fun

The summer after we met Cole visited me while I was doing Totus Tuus.  He took me on a surprise picnic and made us rings out of grass.  Needless to say, we knew we would get engaged soon!

Part 1 of our engagement:  Limo ride to the Melting Pot

Part 2 of our engagement:  Hot Air Balloon Ride over Fort Collins

Part 3 of our engagement:  Surprise set up of wine, candles, cheese and crackers at my dad's cabin

With our song playing in the background he proposed!! 8-5-06

Trip to Disney World with my fam...where all your dreams come true!

Our first cruise together

Engagement Photo

8-4-07  Our wedding day...the best day of my life!

On our honeymoon in Playa del Carmen

Graduating from college 2008!!!

Homeowners!  We LOVE this house!

Our First Wedding Anniversary in Pagosa Springs

Our 2nd Cruise together

Such a fun trip to the Sand Dunes

Our 2nd Wedding Anniversary in Estes Park

And now we are having a BABY! :)

Cole and I have had different songs throughout our relationship that we considered “our songs”. Some include I Caught Fire by The Used, Making Memories of Us by Keith Urban, and She’s Everything to Me by Brad Paisley. The following are the lyrics to our newest song. We love it and I feel it truly embodies the relationship we have. With every day that passes I love him more and more…something that everyday would seem impossible. I love him more today than I did yesterday, but less then I will tomorrow.

I Thought I Loved You Then by Brad Paisley

I remember trying not to stare the night that I first met you
You had me mesmerized
And 3 weeks later in the front porch light taking 45 min to kiss goodnight
I hadn’t told you yet but I thought I loved you then


Chorus
Now you’re my whole life now you’re my whole world
I just can’t believe the way I feel about you girl
Like a river meets the sea
Stronger than it’s ever been
We’ve come so far since that day
And I thought I loved you then.


I remember taking you back to right where I first met you
You were so surprised
There were people around
But I didn’t care I got down on one knee right there
And once again I thought I loved you then


Chorus
Now you’re my whole life now you’re my whole world
I just can’t believe the way I feel about you girl
Like a river meets the sea
Stronger than it’s ever been
We’ve come so far since that day
And I thought I loved you then.


I can just see you with a baby on the way
I can just see you when your hair is turning gray
What I can’t see is how I’m ever gonna love you more
But I’ve said that before.


Now you’re my whole life now you’re my whole world
I just can’t believe the way I feel about you girl


Well look back some day at this moment that we’re in
And I'll look at you and say and I thought I loved you then
And I thought I loved you then...


I went through life not knowing a relationship could be so good. And, when you don’t know that something better exists, it is easy to settle for what you have. Praise God that Cole came into my life. God had higher expectations for my happiness then I knew to have for myself. I will always consider Cole the greatest gift that God has ever given me. I wish I never had a day without him, however, if that were true then I wouldn’t know what a blessing it is now that he is in my life.
Thank you Cole for being my husband, best friend, and comedic relief.  Thank you for choosing me!

4 Years Down, Forever to Go:)

Then and Now

This is a picture of me at 8 weeks pregnant.  It shocks me that this is what my body used to look like.  Man, times are changing!  I had a waist!!

This is a picture of me now!  There is quite the difference.  I still have 3 1/2 months left..where will I be then??

Things I miss from when I wasn't pregnant:
* feta cheese
* ceasar salad
* caffeine
* margaritas, beer, and white wine
* not peeing in the middle of the night
* wearing high heels
* getting to wear all the clothes in my closet
* having ab muscles
* not having heartburn
* eating mexican food

Things I will miss about being pregnant:
* watching my body change, and knowing that as I grow, my little baby is growing too
* everyday having a new experience
* knowing my very existence is giving life
* knowing in every action there is a sacrifice for someone I love
* feeling him move inside me
* the fact that although I "haven't met" Tavian, I know him more intimately then I ever will again!
* having a constant companion attached to me :)
* being a constant testament to life..from the moment of its existence!

I am sure there is more in both categories that I can't think of right now.  However, pregnancy wins..nothing can compare to this experience!

My Little Man

My little baby is growing.  Cole and I got to have an ultrasound on Friday and it was so so fun.  Every time I see Tavian moving around on the screen it just brightens my life!  He is now 1 lb. 10oz. and he is just getting cuter and cuter.  He wasn't as active at first while we were in there, but as soon as Cole started talking to my belly Tavian started pounding on me with his fist in response.  We loved it!  He still has plenty of room and uses it to flip around...the tech kept having to change where she had said his head was.  Our favorite thing was when his feet were directly next to his head because his body was completely folded in half.  Unfortunately we didn't get a picture of when his legs were completely straight, but we still got some good ones.  I just kept laughing because it was like he was a gymnast!  He chilled in that position for awhile...how can that be comfy??  Silly boy!

Look at him sucking his thumb!

I told you his little feet are right by his head!

He is adorable!

His thinking pose!

We have been pretty frustrated with our Doctor's office lately.  The medical community in general has been frustrating, and last week was especially difficult.  It was wonderful getting to end a stressful week with getting to see our baby!  Watching him move while feeling him move at the same time is truly incredible!!

More Time

I just wanted to reflect on what an amazing time Cole and I had last weekend.  It was one of those rare weekends when we didn't have plans, we didn't have too much to check off of our to-do-list, and we got to just BE together. Plus, as I mentioned earlier, he had all of friday off from work!  Three days straight of supreme relaxation and happiness. 

A few highlights:
* getting to see family in Longmont (for the funeral)
* shopping at REI
* watching The Proposal together Friday night in our pajamas while chowing down on pizza and ice cream
* reading together
* walking to starbucks in the snow Saturday morning
* splurging on yummy chinese food
* sleeping in together on Sunday morning (since we went to church sat. night)
* the brocos game
* dinner with great friends at HuHot sunday night

I guess that is a pretty good summary.  Sunday evening was almost difficult to enjoy (only almost) because I knew our little haven of quality time away from the rest of the world was coming to an end.  And it may be awhile until another weekend like that comes our way!  For instance, this weekend starts with a bang..I work on Saturday!  Just wanted to document our moment in time...it was wonderful while it lasted!!
Until next time..

Anything Sweet...

Yes, anything sweet!  Turns out that when it comes to cravings, I like anything sugary and bad for me.  Not such a good thing.  I didn't even used to like desserts that much before I was pregnant.  For awhile I thought maybe it was just the mind set that now I can eat whatever I want, but that just can't be it.  First of all because like I said i didn't even used to like treats, but more importantly, it is like i HAVE to have it. haha.  Hence the craving!  I know it is getting out of control considering I have dreamt of cookies and ice cream and apple pie and ice cream, along with other things, all this last week.  Plus, I am looking forward to Thanksgiving just because I know I am going to make delicious desserts!  I caved at the grocery store yesterday and bought an apple pie.  I was worried when we got home that it wouldn't be as fulfilling as I had hoped, but I am pleased to say that it was!  It was so so yummy, with ice cream on top!  Sometimes with pregnancy nothing seems to satisfy...I am oh so happy the pie and ice cream did the trick.
Other things I crave:  starbucks (all day every day), root beer floats, choc. chip cookies, fruit dip, pumpkin pie...just to name a few!  If my appetite says anything about my little guy, then we are in trouble.  He is going to have quite the sweet tooth!  Oh man, pregnancy is so crazy.  My body is no longer my own!  Who am I?  Such a crazy experience, but I feel so blessed to have it.  I am sure when this is over I will miss his kicks, and twists, and love of sugar! 

hmm, I just wrote a blog about desserts...
that's embarrassing!

A Moment of Panic...

Okay, this will be quick.  I am not dwelling on it, and I know God will give me the strength I need when the time comes, but how is this baby every going to make its way out of me??  Silly question, I know, as it is inevitable, but at times a bit of panic takes over when I really think about it.  How could I possibly ever be prepared for pain that up until now I have never been even close to experiencing?  I watch A Baby Story on tv, which i should probably stop doing. ha!  Don't get me wrong, some of the stories are amazing and the births seem completely doable and everything goes off without a hitch.  However, other episodes freak the crap out of me.  Some of these women are screaming their heads off and it honestly looks like the pain may kill them!  I guess it is good to be realistic with myself and realistic with my fears.  I don't have it all together and I do have anxieties for what is to come.  The point is that I need to remember that it is okay.  It is okay to be anxious.  I have acknowledged it and now I can choose not to dwell on it.  I choose instead to focus on the love I have for our little Tavian.  I want to meet him, and hold him and see his face, and I do believe any amount of suffering will be worth it!  Yes, that is what I choose to dwell on :)
On that same note, I watched my birth video again a few weeks ago.  It really should serve as a costant source of strength, and if I look to anything as an example, that should be it.  My mother, although more experienced considering i was number 5, handled everything so calmly and happily..and without meds!  She had so many people in the room, including all of my siblings, and she was just so at ease and so focused on the goal of being there: Me!  As she sarted to push and was clearly in pain, instead of yelling or panicking, she just began to talk to me and pray for me.  "God, please bless my baby."  I love her so much  and I would love to have her there beside me in the room, continuing to pray for me as she did the day she brought me into the world.  No, she won't physically be there.  But her prayers from heaven are probably far more focused and intent then they would be here, and her strength will be with me!  Yes, I don't have to see her to know she is there!  Lets be honest, she wouldn't miss her Grandsons birth for anything!
This felt good...panic gone :)

There's Good News, and Bad News

Cole's Step-Grandma passed away earlier today.  Clearly this is the bad news.  However, she was an amazing woman who was always faithful to God, and in many ways it is a relief knowing she has found peace and is no longer suffering.  Cole and I visited her in the hospital on Sunday.  It brought me right back to when I was younger and visiting my own Grandmother on her death bed.  Although it is hard to see anyone in such a state, I am glad that we got to see her one last time and that we could be there for her and the family.  I always worry about Cole having to see things like that because I know he doesn't have as much life experience when it comes to death and loss.  He handled everything really well, at least while we were in the hospital.  But, once we got in the car we started talking about the love that was so apparent between his Grandma and Grandpa, and that even though she was the one dying and struggling to breathe, his Grandpa was suffering just as much as she was.  He was watching the love of his life suffer, and little by little was coming to peace with saying goodbye to her.  I told Cole it made me think of when we were older and how I knew he would take care of me if I was ever in that position.  And, to my surprise, tears began rolling down his face.  He could handle watching the experience between others, but when it applied to us he couldn't take it.  This was such a witness of the love we have for each other, and although we sat and cried in the car together for a few minutes, I am thankful that we had the opportunity to share this experience.  I know that no matter how much either of us ever suffer physically, the other will always be suffering just as much emotionally from having to witness the one we love in pain.  To me this is beautiful, and as always, I am thankful this man is my husband!
Now, on to the good news.  The funeral is going to be on Friday morning and that means Cole gets to take the entire day off of work.  Leave it to me to find good news surrounding a funeral...I know it sounds horrible, but I am really excited to have another day to spend with Cole.  I will take every second available for us to be together.  We'll get to say goodbye to his Grandma and spend time with family in the morning, and then we will have the rest of the day for "us" time.  We actually are very lucky with the amount of time we get to spend together on an every day basis, but every extra bit brightens my life! 
I should mention that he has been so good to me throughout this pregnancy.  Not only did he surprise me with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and my favorite candy (gummy worms) last week, but last night I came home to a beautiful candlight dinner.  Everyday he takes time to make me feel special...I am so blessed! :)
p.s. 10 days til New Moon!!