Comfort Zone

I am a girl who has limits.  I have a comfort zone and I enjoy life living within my limits.  However, I have always known that I could only get so far living life comfortably.  I never want to push myself to do something uncomfortable, and it is never easy, but I always strive to do so anyway.  I know without these little pushes along the way that I would never grow.  I woudl never amount to anything more then what I already am. 

Examples: 
Taking a summer nanny job in chicago when I was 18.  I left home for pretty much the first time, lived with a family I had never met before, and took a job I had never done before.
Taking the job as a Totus Tuus teacher.  I was leaving my boyfriend behind (when all I wanted to do was be with him), and embarking on a journey with strangers.  I traveled from place to place all summer and was working constantly.  There wasn't a moment to myself and I gave everything I had to get through it.
Going to college at Mesa State (even though it only lasted a semester)

Joining the breastfeeding support group when I didn't really know anyone and I was feeling pretty insecure.
Ok, I promise there are many more moments like this in my life, but those were just a few off the top of my head.  Anyway, in every example, my initial thought was to stay comfortable and to say no to the opportunity.  After all, when it makes you uncomfortable it is kind of hard to see it as an opportunity!  However, the minute I have that feeling inside me that makes me want to vomit because I am scared of the unknown or of trying something knew, I know that is God's way of telling me I better step up and do it.  I remember when I was offered the nanny job that right after I said yes and hung up the phone, that i burst into tears.  Lol!  It is because it wasn't easy and because I was scared, but yet I knew that meant it would most likely be the very decision that would help me grow.  And, after the fact, I never regret the decision.  In fact, I am usually thankful that I pushed myself!

Well, in an hour I will leave for my trip to Chicago.  Now, don't get me wrong, this is very exciting, but I still went through a phase where I was just too scared to commit to going.  Tavian and I are meeting my sister and her son (also my Godson and Tavey's best friend) in Chicago.  We are staying in a friends condo in the city and we will be there for the Taste of Chicago.  I know, pretty awesome!  So, why was I ever even doubting it?  Well, because I have only been a momma for 3 1/2 months.  I have never taken Tavian anywhere by myself, and this is going to be mulitple days away from Cole.  What if Tavian doesn't sleep?  What if he gets sick?  What if he gets off his schedule and doesn't sleep when he gets back?  What if he does horribly on the plane and everyone is angry with me??!  See, there is reason for fear.  But, once again, I pushed myself.  I pushed myself to do something that is a little scary..something that wasn't the easiest to commit to.  And, just like the other times, I have no doubt that the discomfort I have felt leading up to this will all be worthwhile in the end.  I will be thankful I pushed myself, and this will be an experience that I will never forget.  Me and Tavey with our best friends!!! 

Wish me luck:)

Date Night!

Cole and I had our first official date night last night since having Tavian.  Can you believe it?  I feel like it was long overdo, but it turned out to be worth the wait.  It is just a lot harder to get away then I ever anticipated.  I asked my friend Elissa if she would mind coming and hanging out at our house once Tavian was already asleep for the night so Cole and I could go get some dinner.  (it is his birthday tomorrow so I wanted to do a lot of special things for him this weekend)  It was so nice of Elissa to give up her Friday night to come hang out at our house!!  Cole and I were off to PF Changs  by 7:30 and had an amazing night to ourselves.  The dinner was so yummy and we had actually never eaten there together.  The drinks were also amazing...a little too amazing if you know what I'm saying!!  I only had one drink, but lets just say it is very apparent that I haven't had alcohol in close to a year!!!!  I just loved having some alone time with my hubby and getting to flirt and laugh and be best friends!  We were home by 10, because that is considered a very late night when you have to get up early the next morning, but it was plenty of time to have fun!  I know it won't happen as often as we would like, but I know it makes every occasion extra special! :)

Oh, and guess who almost rolled over??  He is SOOO close!!!  I'm a proud momma:)

Mommy Guilt

One of the things that I was never rpepared for when entering motherhood was a little something I call "Mommy Guilt".  It pretty much is hiding behind every decision, every action.  I may be exagerating a little, but it is so surprising how much I toss and turn over such seemingly little things.  If I am out and about too much then I feel guilty because he hasn't had any down time and he has spent too much time in his car seat.  If I stay at home all day I feel guilty because he hasn't gotten to see the world and I'm not exposing him to enough new things.  Is he sleeping too much or too little?  If he naps in his crib then I feel bad because he is in there all alone, but if I let him nap in bed with me I wonder if I am creating a bad habit.  I don't dwell on these things at all times, but it is so hard when I am constantly striving to be the best mother for him.  I know how much he deserves, and sometimes I think he deserves more then I can give.  The one thing I remind myself of, no matter how inadequate I may be feeling, is that no one could love him as much as I love him.  And, even if I fail at the rest, I know he will always grow up knowing that he is loved!  If I do all things out of love, how bad could it be?  We'll see I guess;)
Along with "Mommy Guilt" comes the guilt you feel towards everyone else in your life.  The fact that I don't have the time or energy to call people back, return text messages, e-mails, etc.  Everything takes a backseat to being a mom and taking care of Tavian (which it should), but friendships and other relationships and responsibilities just aren't on the top of my list anymore.  I think I feel especially guilty because investing in my relationships was always really important to me.
There is the guilt when there is a ton of stuff to do around the house, but I would rather go to sleep.  Or the guilt when my hubby who works lets me sleep and he will get up with Tavian (I know, he is amazing!)  Or even the guilt that comes when i think about how hard being a mom can be (just because I know that more then anything it is the greatest blessing!)
Guilt sucks!  I think I need to do better about having realistic expecations for muself, and knowing that the people in my life will be loving and understanding of the new journey I am embarcking on!