The Never Ending Sickness

If you are friends with me on Facebook or follow my instagram, then it is no news to you that my family can't seem to get healthy.  It has literally been one thing after another. 

I'm pretty sure Beckett has been sick more days then he has been healthy over the last four months. :(  Usually having sickness invade the household really takes a physical toll.  Kids are sleeping less, there is more physical demand to get things done, trying to keep everyone sane with staying home and trying to keep things sanitized and disinfected.  Overall it creates more physical work. 
 

However, because there has been sickness rampant in our household for such a long period of time, the physical toll isn't even the part of it that I'm worried about it.  I am, however, completely burnt out because of the emotional toll it is taking on me.  It is very hard for me to see Beckett so sick so often.  The emotions that accompany not being able to help him break my heart.  Trying to nurse a baby who can't breathe out their nose is miserable.  Watching them lay motionless with a super high fever is terrifying.  On Saturday it got up to 105 degrees.  It was awful.  And scary. And, on top of all of that, I am really struggling with the guilt that I must be doing something wrong.  I must be failing my little man if he is getting sick this often.

He loves to sleep on mommy when he isn't feeling well

It's been a lot.  And I'm so over it.

I am taking Beckett in tomorrow and hopefully getting him in to see an ENT shortly.  I just have this feeling that maybe his adenoids are enlarged because a little stuffy nose turns into a huge ordeal every.single.time.

Snuggles with Daddy

Throughout the last 4 months I have been wracking my brain of why this is all happening.  Are they washing their hands enough?  Am I disinfecting enough?  Are they sharing cups?  Are their immune systems working well enough?
 

And I've been putting a ton of pressure on myself to make sure I am doing all the right things...

make sure you are diffusing oils every night, steam him in the bath every time his nose starts to get stuffy, wash the bedding often, make sure he is getting enough sleep, give them their vitamins.....etc....etc....etc...

It's exhausting.  But I play this list of things over in my head again and again because I am convinced this must be my fault.  There must be something I am doing wrong. 

Right?!?

You know you have a sick baby when you go upstairs to switch over the laundry and come back down to him passed out asleep in the middle of the floor. :(  Totally broke my heart

 

For whatever reason, this winter has been hard.  I know I will continue to struggle with blaming myself, and yes, maybe I am doing something to contribute to the problem.  But I'm also doing the best I can.  And I am praying that God will soon bless our household with health.

The other night I was wracking my brain again and I stumbled upon this blog (because I googled "my one year old is constantly sick!") and it was exactly what I needed to hear.  Because whether other people are judging me or not, it's hard not to feel like I'm doing something wrong when my little is sick all the time.

Just ran down to get his meds and came back up to this.  Almost asleep on the floor again. :(

 

I needed to hear that it wasn't my fault.  And that sometimes, even with the best of intentions and the most effort, kids will still get sick.  For now, my best is going to have to be enough.

Resting with Daddy after finally being able to breathe and nurse again

  

Update:  Thankfully we were able to get Beckett on some new meds at the beginning of the week.  He can finally breathe again!  Praise God!  And that means he can finally nurse again.  We are still working on getting him to feel better, but I'm hoping the end is near!!