Not Going to Sugar Coat

Yesterday I attended the funeral of Austin Powers.  He was 24 years old and died of a Heroin overdose.  I can't say that I knew him well or we were good friends, but his mom is my dad's girlfriend so we have definitively been at the same place at the same time.  The funeral was very sad.  I cried pretty much through the entire thing.  My heart aches for his mother, sister, fiance, and almost one year old son who will be feeling the consequences of his death for the rest of their lives.  So very sad.
But it was also sad for other reasons.  It was also sad because everyone seemed to be sugar coating the reality of the situation.  I heard what a big heart Austin had, I heard many stories about what a loving person he was and how much he would be missed, and I heard about how he was in a better place and would be looking down on all of us with love.  I am not denying these things or saying they shouldn't have been said.  But it makes me very sad that nobody seemed to address that this kid was suffering.  No he didn't purposefully kill himself.  But anyone engaging in heroine is engaging in suicidal behavior.  He was very aware of its toxicity, especially having lost two of his closest friends from his "crew" the exact same way in the recent past.  And that is what just kills me about this situation.  Isn't anybody angry?  Doesn't anyone want to say enough is enough?  Ben Brooksmith died a similar death, and his father spoke at Austin's funeral.  But I don't think the teachable moment was used to its potential.  He had every opportunity to get up there and say he was angry.  He could say he was angry that his son had died in vain because no one was learning anything from it. That he was angry because he loved Austin so much yet found himself at another funeral.
Austin had demons.  Real, live demons in his life that were out to destroy him.  And they won.  And nobody wants to acknowledge it.  He wanted out.  The week before he died he had his phone number changed because he wanted to get help and go to rehab but he was constantly being contacted and tormented and unable to break free from the toxic people in his life.  I looked at his "crew" and saw a bunch of people who just didn't get it.  Do I doubt that they loved him?  Of course not.  Do I doubt that they love each other?  Of course not.  But when will we realize that some relationships, despite the love or good intention, are toxic?  You don't lose three friends to overdosing on drugs if everything is honkey dorey.
I know this probably won't be a popular post.  I know some people may even be angry.  But I needed to say it  I needed to address the elephant that sat in the room today that everyone wants to ignore.  One of the songs that was played during the slide show even glorified drug use.  I'm sorry but I just don't get it.  Why would you remember someone with a song that glorifies the very thing that stole them from this world.  The very thing they were battling every day and tormented them in life?
I don't understand.  What I do understand is that a little boy is going to grow up without a father.  And that is an  injustice.
The following song has been making a big impact on my life lately.  After Austin's death I listened to it on repeat because I think it says a lot.

It is a constant reminder to me and Cole that we need to be vigilant in our lives.  That we need to be vigilant in our childrens lives.  Cole and I won't wake up tomorrow divorced.  Tavian won't suddenly wake up at age 14 and be in the wrong crowd.  It is a constant, often slow, progression of our individual choices that lead us to a place we don't want to be.  And by the time we are there it is often too late.
Be watchful in your life and in the lives of those you love.  It is a slow fade.