Sweet Felicity

I have hardly had a chance to really write about my sweet baby girl.

She is over 3 months old now, and the best thing I can say is that she has been such an absolute blessing.

Cole and I can't stop repeating, "She is the happiest baby."  And she truly is.  I mean it wholeheartedly when I say that if she cries it means one of two things...hungry or tired.  And that is all.  Otherwise she never cries.  She is all smiles and giggles and serves as a day brightener to anyone who crosses her path.  People are randomly stopping and letting me know that my sweet baby was smiling at them!

I wouldn't say that Tavian was the most difficult baby ever, but he was definitely more high maintenance.  If he had a dirty diaper, he let us know.  If he was hungry, he let us know and he wanted that food immediately!  Overall just a more intense kid!  And that wasn't bad, but before Felicity I definitely didn't know a baby could be so naturally happy and easy going.  I suppose it could partly be the difference between boys and girls, but it also could just be personality.

Even though Cole and I have been commenting on her happiness since the beginning, we just recently talked about the coincidence (or not so coincidence) that her name actually means happy.  Looks like it was destined from the start!  I know there will be more difficult times ahead, especially as she becomes more aware and more opinionated, but now she is my sweet, happy girl.  It seems like joy and innocence just exudes out of her...and I love it.

Her face cracks me up in this picture..chubs!

I also never really had the chance to express what it has meant to me to have a baby girl.  I would have been happy regardless, but God truly fulfilled the desires of my heart with Felicity.  I seriously look at our future together and I see so much fun and happiness.  I picture all the mother-daughter bonding that I longed for my entire life.  I picture shopping together, and girl get away vacations, and girl talks and heart to hearts.  I know I am painting a picture of rainbows and butterflies, and I know it won't always be like that, but I'm truly excited for all of it.  I look at so many of my friends and the relationships they have with their own mothers, and I am so excited that I will get to be a mother like that to Felicity one day.  How exciting to have grandchildren of my own and help her navigate through motherhood, the way I wish my mother was here to help navigate me!  I look at Felicity and I feel all is good in the world.  She looks so much like I did when I was a baby, as well as my mom's baby pictures.  Finally a baby who looks like me! :)

Sweet baby girl, thank you so much for coming into our lives.  We love you with everything that we have.  You have truly brought an extra peace and happiness to our little family that wasn't here before.  You are our blessing.  We love you baby girl :)

Wow..I am reeeaaally happy in this picture! lol

A Pin Come True: Garlic Cheese Breadsticks

Another Pin, another Recipe!

Cole and I have decided to make one night a week our calzone night (usually friday, saturday or sunday).  We LOVE making the yummiest Calzones.  When I saw this Pin on Pinterest, I knew it would be perfect to make with our calzones.  Who doesn't love cheesy bread sticks? And I think this recipe pretty much nails it!  Because Cole and I have been making our own calzones for awhile, I didn't use the dough recipe that was given, but I followed the rest of the instructions.  In the picture I took below it looks more like a pizza, only because I took the picture before I cut it into the shape of bread sticks!  Once you have the dough this is a super easy and quick recipe to make and I think it is a great appetizer for many different occasions.  YUM!  Don't forget Pizza Sauce for dipping :)  

Below is a picture of our yummy calzones before they have been closed and cooked.  We go all out!  Pepperoni, mozzarella cheese, tomatoes, onion, mushrooms, green pepper, spinach leaves, and our secret ingredient.  I can't even believe I am letting this out of the bag, but trust me, your calzones will never be the same.  Add a few dollops of cream cheese and it takes it to an entirely different level.  Trust me on this one!  I hope someone out there tries it and lets me know what they think!!!  We put them in the oven at 350 for 10-15 minutes (until golden brown) and then just heat up some pizza sauce for dipping.  So good!  And such a fun weekly treat!  As Tavian gets older he'll have more and more fun getting to help make his personal calzone.  Cole and I also pull these out a lot when we have company because everyone can make their own entirely to their liking!

Tried any Pins lately??  Do tell!

*I don't have our dough recipe on hand at the moment, but I will try and get it up here later.  We have been making our own wheat dough lately, but in earlier years used the little "add water" packages at the grocery store which were obviously very easy and we still thought tasted great!

A Pin Come True: Yummy BEC

I made this delicious Bacon Egg and Cheese bagel the other morning.  I worked at Gibs Bagels in Fort Collins when I was in college (if you have never been, stop being a fool and go!) and I have always loved a bagel sandwich.  Cole and I have been making bacon, egg, and cheese bagels for a long time, but I had never thought to put avocado on it before...before Pinterest, that is!

I saw this picture and knew it was something I wanted to try!

So last Saturday morning Cole surprised me and made it for me.  We have had it another time since then too!  It is also a great way to use extra avocados before they go bad.  (although I recently saw a pin about freezing them..but more on that another day!)

Here is my conclusion:  It is good!  The only negative was that you couldn't taste the avocado as much as I would have hoped.  But it was still yummy and I liked being able to have another way of getting Tavian to have avocado!  Let me know if any of you try it!

Looks delish..right?

And don't forget to join in on A Pin Come True and let me know all the pins you are trying!

A Pin Come True: I Love You Because

On this Pin Come True I bring to you one of my Valentines Day gifts that I made for Cole this year.  Some of you may have seen on Pinterest the I Love You Because frame.  If you haven't, it is a pretty wonderful idea and I knew it would be perfect to make for Cole.  We can always use more reminders/inspiration to acknowledge the little things we love about one another.  This is what I came up with:

Mine looks a little more hand crafted, probably because it was!  I had to print the words onto an 8.5 by 11 scrapbook page but had to figure out a way to get other paper surrounding it since my frame is an 11 by 14.  It was overall an easy project but a bit time consuming because I had to figure out how I wanted to go about making it work.  I was also in quite the hurry because I had to make it happen during nap time so that my little rascal wouldn't get into everything!  But it turned out pretty well and Cole LOVES it!  We use it all the time and it hangs on the wall directly across from our bedroom so we see it first thing as we leave our room!  This is a cheap project.  I re-purposed this frame that I got at a garage sale and then bought an expo marker to right on the outside of the glass with.  Perfect!  If you use an 8.5 by 11 frame you could just right the words on any regular sized paper and by the marker and you are finished.  It is as easy or as time consuming as you wish to make it!!!

You may also notice in the picture that I have a heart shaped chocolate candy with a tag that says "I Love You More Than Chocolate! (and that is a lot)".  This was also an inspiration from Pinterest. I found 14 Days of Valentines and it helped me give Cole surprises for days!  Unfortunately I didn't take pictures of any of them except the above.  I probably only did 7 out of the 14 but it was still a lot of fun.  I just printed out the tags, cut them out, and attached them onto gifts for him.  I found a lot of fun packaging at the $1 store and that helped everything look extra cute.  If you need a fun idea for next year, this is definitely one you should try!

Let me know if you have any questions, and let me know if you get around to making the "I Love You Because.." frame!

A Pin Come True

Ok folks, so this is my new blog installment.  I have wanted to do this for the past two months but it has been difficult with all the craziness of being the mom of two!  Anyway, I finally think I am ready to get it all going.  It is called A Pin Come True and will consist all the things I find on Pinterest that I will bring to life!  They won't just be pins on the computer anymore, but finally a reality in my life!
I know many of you are really into Pinterest as well so feel free to join me if you like.  It is always neat to know the person who has tried some of these ideas so it is easier to ask questions about the process.

Hope you all have as much with this as I do!!! :)

Our Baby Girl

Oh my goodness, where does the time go?  I'm sad I wasn't able to write this sooner, but hear is the story of Felcity Patricia Eileen!

This pregnancy was easier then Tavian's in many ways, but I was still really uncomfortable towards the end.  Once again I was convinced that I would have the baby early.  I was carrying SO low...it literally felt like the baby was going to fall out of me at any minute.  I think it probably had something to do with carrying Tavian around everywhere.  He had the perfect perch right on top of my belly with all his weight pushing down on the little one!  Well, God loves to teach me patience.  And, although it was uncomfortable, I was actually really grateful that the baby wasn't coming early.  I figure the longer they stay in there the better chance of being healthy!

My Doctor was really lax this time around, and because I wasn't having much of the hydronephrosis pain like I had with Tavian, and because my fibroid didn't seem to be growing anymore, I didn't need as many ultrasounds this time around.  I went in for an apt. the week before my due date and my doctor was finally ready to check me.  To my dissapointment I was only 1cm dilated.  At the time i remember being a bit discouraged, but I also knew I needed to embrace family life with just the three of us because I knew everything was going to change so drastically.  I was still having some really emotionally hard days at the thought of Tavian not being the only one anymore.  I know it sounds crazy because I was so in love and so excited for this baby, but there is still the part of every mother that is anxious about the change and about the ability to love another as ferociously as she does the one currently in her arms.  Looking back I am so thankful that Felicity came in God's time.  I think it was such a gift to me, Cole, and Tavian.  We had such fun family time in that last week and I remember finally coming to a place of peace and being ready for the change.

Felicity was due on December 7th, 2012.  December 6th was a Tuesday and we had our weekly biggest loser night.  It was a fun night and I remember having some sharp pains throughout the show, but nothing serious and nothing that made me think the baby was coming soon.  We went to bed around 10 that night, but at about 11 I started noticing painful contractions.  Nothing too painful, but definatelyl different then the braxton hicks that I know so well.  It is hard when things start in the middle of the night.  Hard because if it is real labor then you should really be trying your best to sleep.  But I was so unsure that I felt I needed to stay up and time the contractions and figure out if it was a false alarm or not.  My dad had agreed to stay the night with Tavian when the baby came, and since there was a chance this could be the real thing, I ended up calling him around 3am to come over and sleep at our house.  I just wanted to be prepared because he lives about 20 minutes away and we are about 20 from the hospital.  I didn't want to find out it was go time and have to wait around for him to get there.  I didn't bug Cole too much throughout the night because I knew one of us should be getting our sleep.  The contractions were probably averaging 7 minutes apart but they weren't very consistent  and by 6am I was pretty sure it was all a false alarm.  I had just gotten out of the shower (which felt so good by the way) and they seemed to slow down.  I heard Tavian getting a little restless in his crib and since I was wanting to cherish every moment with him in these final days, I went and got him and we rocked in the rocking chair together.  We both fell fast asleep and it is a memory I will hold deep in my heart all of my life.  It turned out to be my final moments alone with just my boy.

I awoke in the rocking chair at a little after 7am to a very painful contraction.  It jolted me out of sleep and was so painful that I had to call to Cole (waking Tavian up), because I wasn't sure how I could get out of the chair or lift Tavian off me without any help.  At that moment I realized it wasn't a false alarm and I was very thankful my dad was already at the house!!  Everything started to happen so fast but I don't think I was doing a very good job of communicating the progress with Cole.  He was calmly eating pancakes with Tavian as I sat on the couch realizing the pain was getting more extreme and that each contraction also seemed to be lasting longer.  This was the moment throughout the labor where I was most panicked...I just couldn't get calm knowing we still had to drive to the hospital.  I was on the phone with my sister, Sarah, trying to coordinate when she would pick up Tavian, but after a few minutes on the phone she told me that I was crazy to still be at home and I needed to hang up and be on my way to the hospital.  I'm glad she was persistent!  I was in quite a bit of pain at this point but before leaving the house I had to use the bathroom...I still laugh at my dads reaction.  "Don't use the bathroom!!...I don't want this baby being devlivered at home!"  Haha:)

Cole and I got to the hospital a little after 8am.  When we checked in at the desk I remember a nurse saying something about it looking like I was uncomfortable.  (No, ya think?!?)  Lol, I am pretty sure she didn't expect me to be as far into my labor as I was.  They checked me right away and I was already a 7.  Wow!  She actually looked pretty panicked and said she would be moving everything along as fast as she could.  Even though I suspected it would be a quick process, I still wanted to get in the shower because it had helped so much when I was at home.  Once again it was amazing.  For some reason I hate the bath during labor but love the shower.  The remarkable thing is that during this labor I was very calm the whole time.  I did a lot of breathing and concentrating and swaying back and forth.  But that is about it.  Cole held my hand and supported me the entire time.  He kept reminding me of all the people that were praying for us and it literally brought tears of joy to my face each time!

They checked me an hour later and I was a 9!  My Doctor still wasn't there but they were wanting to know about the epidural.  This was a hard decision for me. I have always loved the idea of having an entirely natural birth and looked up to the women that were able to do so.  However, I was really nervous about the pushing the baby out part without having any medication.  That is just a little scary to me!!  The nurses were adamant if I wanted it I was going to have to decide quickly because my window of opportunity was closing!  I calmly asked if I could call my sister first.  Yes, Andrea is my best friend and she has also had a natural labor so I just wanted a few minutes with her.  After talking with her and also having a few moments with my Dr. I decided that I would get the epidural.  Now we get to the only glitch during the labor.  The anesthesiologist had to stick me like 3 times and it took 25 minutes!  That's right folks, with contractions at a 9 I had to sit hunched over on the side of my bed without moving a muscle and "relaxed" for 25 minutes.  It almost killed me.  Cole said the lady could try one more time but if she didn't get it that we just weren't going to do it.  Somehow she managed to get it right the next time.

Before long it was time to push.  Cole and I were getting so anxious and excited to find out if we were having a boy or a girl!  I still thought it was going to be a girl, but that is also what I was secretly hoping for!  Three contractions later out came the most beautiful little girl.  We had known throughout the entire pregnancy that if we had a girl her name would be Felicity Patricia (my mom's name) Eileen (my Nana's name).    Cole told me it was a girl right away, but I was in disbelief so I asked if he was sure!  haha:)  Felicity was born at 11:04am (a short three hours in the hospital!) and weighed 7lbs 9oz and was 20 1/2 in. long.  I can't tell you the amount of joy that was instantly brought to our lives.  Deep down I was so longing to have a baby girl.  I know I would have been happy either way and most importantly I prayed for a healthy child, but I can't deny that a large part of me longed to have a baby girl.  I desperately wanted to partake in the mother/daughter relationship that I never got to have.  The first thing I said to her when they put her in my arms was that we were going to get to shop together and get our nails done together...Cole thought I was being ridiculous!  I feel so blessed that God has fulfilled this desire of my heart and I look forward to all the girly fun we will have throughout the years!

Cole and I only stayed one night at the hospital because we were really anxious to get home to Tavian.  We got home Thursday evening and it felt wonderful to sleep in our own beds.  Everything with Felicity has been going well...except for breastfeeding (no change there!).  That is a different story for another time, and I may never get around to telling it.  Lets just say that I was able to offer up a lot on behalf of my little girl for the first two 1/2 months of her life.  Considering she will only be three months this week, that should tell you we haven't been out of the woods for very long.  God willing I will be able to continue breastfeeding!!!

Sorry this was so long, but I just wanted to document this special occasion!   

Not Going to Sugar Coat

Yesterday I attended the funeral of Austin Powers.  He was 24 years old and died of a Heroin overdose.  I can't say that I knew him well or we were good friends, but his mom is my dad's girlfriend so we have definitively been at the same place at the same time.  The funeral was very sad.  I cried pretty much through the entire thing.  My heart aches for his mother, sister, fiance, and almost one year old son who will be feeling the consequences of his death for the rest of their lives.  So very sad.
But it was also sad for other reasons.  It was also sad because everyone seemed to be sugar coating the reality of the situation.  I heard what a big heart Austin had, I heard many stories about what a loving person he was and how much he would be missed, and I heard about how he was in a better place and would be looking down on all of us with love.  I am not denying these things or saying they shouldn't have been said.  But it makes me very sad that nobody seemed to address that this kid was suffering.  No he didn't purposefully kill himself.  But anyone engaging in heroine is engaging in suicidal behavior.  He was very aware of its toxicity, especially having lost two of his closest friends from his "crew" the exact same way in the recent past.  And that is what just kills me about this situation.  Isn't anybody angry?  Doesn't anyone want to say enough is enough?  Ben Brooksmith died a similar death, and his father spoke at Austin's funeral.  But I don't think the teachable moment was used to its potential.  He had every opportunity to get up there and say he was angry.  He could say he was angry that his son had died in vain because no one was learning anything from it. That he was angry because he loved Austin so much yet found himself at another funeral.
Austin had demons.  Real, live demons in his life that were out to destroy him.  And they won.  And nobody wants to acknowledge it.  He wanted out.  The week before he died he had his phone number changed because he wanted to get help and go to rehab but he was constantly being contacted and tormented and unable to break free from the toxic people in his life.  I looked at his "crew" and saw a bunch of people who just didn't get it.  Do I doubt that they loved him?  Of course not.  Do I doubt that they love each other?  Of course not.  But when will we realize that some relationships, despite the love or good intention, are toxic?  You don't lose three friends to overdosing on drugs if everything is honkey dorey.
I know this probably won't be a popular post.  I know some people may even be angry.  But I needed to say it  I needed to address the elephant that sat in the room today that everyone wants to ignore.  One of the songs that was played during the slide show even glorified drug use.  I'm sorry but I just don't get it.  Why would you remember someone with a song that glorifies the very thing that stole them from this world.  The very thing they were battling every day and tormented them in life?
I don't understand.  What I do understand is that a little boy is going to grow up without a father.  And that is an  injustice.
The following song has been making a big impact on my life lately.  After Austin's death I listened to it on repeat because I think it says a lot.

It is a constant reminder to me and Cole that we need to be vigilant in our lives.  That we need to be vigilant in our childrens lives.  Cole and I won't wake up tomorrow divorced.  Tavian won't suddenly wake up at age 14 and be in the wrong crowd.  It is a constant, often slow, progression of our individual choices that lead us to a place we don't want to be.  And by the time we are there it is often too late.
Be watchful in your life and in the lives of those you love.  It is a slow fade.