Looking back I never would have thought that Felicity would have nursed for 16 months. Many of you probably don't know about the specifics because I probably never blogged about it, but seriously the beginning of breastfeeding with Felicity was true Hell! Of course I loved every second of the bond, which is why I fought so hard for it, but there are few things that I have done in my life that have been harder. And maybe it really takes the cake...probably comparable to the Hell of nursing Tavian in the beginning. I thought the second time around would go much smoother but unfortunately that was not the case. I was on round the clock motrin and vicodin just for the pain. A little TMI but I had completely open wounds on both nipples. I even drove with my newborn and a friend to Wyoming to meet with an amazing lactation consultant. I was set on trying anything@ I ended up getting mastitis so terribly that I had to get a shot of antibiotics and an ultrasound on my breast. My Dr. literally got to the point where he basically told me I wasn't allowed to breastfeed anymore!
Yet by some miracle of God, after horrific suffering for two straight months, things slowly began to fall into place and I was able to nurse Felicity until a month or two ago.
The ironic part is that she ended up never taking a bottle or sippy cup again after the age of two months, and she never would have stopped nursing if I didn't' push the issue. It was definitely a hard decision to make, because there are truly few things I love more and because she loved it so much, but I hardly had any milk still available because of the pregnancy and I knew without a doubt that I wasn't interested in tandem nursing. I also wanted to wean her with enough time before the new baby so that she wouldn't remember nursing and therefore wouldn't be resentful of seeing her baby brother or sister nursing.
I cried many many times as the end approached. And, truth be told, if she sees me without a shirt she comes looking for some boobie! I try to stay clothed :) and for the most part I think she is slowly forgetting.
Above all I just want to thank God for the miracle of getting to breastfeed her. No one in my life would have thought this was possible at the time. Letting go is necessary in order for her to grow, and I truly have nothing to be sad about. I have 17 months to rejoice over :)
*On a side note, the breastfeeding topic is already what I am most anxious about when thinking about having this next baby. If you think of it, please say some prayers that things work out...preferably quickly and painlessly :) Thank You!
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