A Hard Day

Let me tell you about today...

it is hard.

It has been such a hard day...and a hard week.  Maybe even a hard month.  At least that is how it feels in this moment.

There is so much joy that comes with being a mom.  It is a blessing and I feel so lucky to get to have these children.  

But it is also hard.  It is so very hard sometimes.

It doesn't help that I have been in a no good, very bad mood.  I don't know exactly the cause either.  I guess it is just a funk.  The lack of sleep isn't helping.  The extra crazy stress in life right now isn't helping.  

I decided to start up my massage business again this week and oh man, it has really added to my plate.  Cole has also started finishing the basement.  We had to move Tavian and Felicity into the same room so that I could get my massage room up and running.  Tavian and Felicity have also both been sick this week.  And I think Beckett's teeth are bothering him because he hasn't been nursing well at all.  And we are having a garage sale on Saturday.  And...and...and...

See what I mean?  That is a lot.  A lot all at once.  And it feels like I can't hack it.

I want to get my massage business up and running.  I really, really do.  I enjoy giving massages and I am excited about the new adventure.  But sometimes it feels like I can't do both.  It feels like there isn't enough of me to go around.  Or sometimes it feels like it won't be worth it.  Like all of the extra stress and work won't be worth the outcome.  Can anyone else relate?  Being a mom is tough and when your plate is already full, it can seem foolish to add more.

Today I am crumbling under the pressure.  I don't even want to open my mouth because it feels like I have nothing good to say.  That isn't fair to the kiddos.  I can't tell you how many times today I have actively tried to keep my mouth shut because I am terrified of what might come out.  And if the horrible does happen to escape...then I deal with the guilt.  

I think as moms we are often shy away from showing the difficulties that come with being a mom because we never want that to be the overarching picture.  And that is true.  I never want to scare anyone from the vocation of motherhood.  I never want to paint these blessings as a burden.  But, I want to be truthful.  It is silly and unrealistic for any mom to pretend that it is always sunshine and roses.  And the truth is that it doesn't do any other moms any good either.  The last thing a mom wants to hear when she is having a bad day is that every other mom's life is perfect!  And too often that is what is being portrayed.  My life is good.  My children are wonderful. I am truly blessed.  But I am choosing to be honest.  And raw.  The truth is that today is hard.  And that is ok.  And it's ok if today is hard for you, too.

As a mom I have to keep reminding myself that these moments are fleeting and that tomorrow will be here soon enough.  The hard of this moment will pass away.  The kisses from little lips and the hugs from little arms will shower me with love.  And we will all make it to tomorrow.

I think I'm ready for tomorrow!